Joseph asked:


So I am engaged to an amazing woman who has captured my heart. I do special things for her all the time. I buy her flights to come see me every weekend. I took her home with me and paid for her whole flight so that my parents could meet her… and I’ve never done that with any girl! I am not a rich or wealthy man and i have invested so much of my heart and time and money into spending time with her and showing her that she is the only woman in my life. I bought her a nearly a $3000 engagement ring (which i had to take a loan out of the bank to get). She is neck-deep in debt and I have been wiring money to her bank account so she can start paying it off. Sometimes, just because i love her, i get her favorite flowers delivered to her with a nice note. I always get her nice cards with my true feelings for her poured out in ink… I even wrote her a poem that took me a while to write. I am the only one who has ever listened to her pour out her heart. She has spent many nights crying on my shoulder from her troubled past. I love being the one she can come to for anything.
She is very insecure about her body and about her way of doing things, in spite of me constantly giving her positive affirmations. She always says things like “I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you”… or “you probably wish i looked like those ’skinny girls’..”. In no way have i ever given her a reason to think or say that. I dont look at porn, i don’t look at other women. If there’s something on TV or in the media that features half-naked women, i either turn the channel or bounce my eyes (even when i’m not with her).
She has had a very troubled past. Her father used to beat her and tell her that she was a mistake and that she isn’t part of the family. He used to call her fat and tell her that’s the reason she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Just about every boyfriend she has been with has cheated on her. When she caught them they tried to make her sound like she was insane or crazy for even thinking that.
The other night i was on the phone with her and she started accusing me of cheating on her. I told her “NO”, and asked her why the hell she would think such a thing. So she had me listen to a voicemail on her phone that was a few days old that came from my phone. The voicemail had about 3 seconds of background noises and me saying “Oh my gosh”. She swears that it was a recording of me fooling around with someone and moaning. To me, it sounded like i was more in shock when i said it. I don’t remember what i was doing at that exact moment when i apparently didn’t hit the “end call” button. But I DO KNOW what i was NOT doing… cheating.
I told her “why would i cheat on you after i have invested so much of my time, money, and WHOLE HEART into you?… it doesn’t match up or make sense!” Her reaction is that “all men just want a peice of a** on the side”. I responded with “I asked you to marry me! I want so spend the rest of my life devoting my whole heart and body to only you!” It didn’t seem to change her mind. I feel like i have given her no reason to even suspect me of cheating on her. I know that it’s because of her past and her feeling like she has never been good enough, or always feeling like she had to earn someone’s love.
Things aren’t always like this. Most of the time things are great and she trusts me more than she trusts anybody else. I have earned most of her trust over time and I know she is just so scared of getting hurt because she’s never let anyone get so close to her heart.
These “trust issues” come and go. But this is the worst it’s ever been! We are still talking, but she doesn’t trust me because of a voicemail that is “enough proof” for her. I love her with all my heart and don’t want to spend the rest of my life without her. I’m not looking for advise to ditch her and move on. But I’d like to from people’s personal experiences how to be with someone who is insecure.

Hailey

Pelmeni asked:


I have been feeling very “heavy” and “dark” inside lately which is causing me some greif. Plenty of negative thoughts, mental aggression, constantly irritated, bad temper,mood swings, feelings of abandoment. The Law of Attraction keeps drawing negative things to me….even though I consciously know that I am drawing these things to me. Does Reiki help with clearing away emotional baggage that therapy, positive affirmations and paraliminal work isn’t able to do?

I am a very in-tuned person, but lately I have been feeling like a monster…

Gabriela

Journey J asked:


I was reluctant to post this question but after a couple days of procrastinating and just thoughts wandering through my mind- I finally felt compelled to just go ahead and ask- Just to ‘hear’ YOUR views and perhaps opinion and/or advice..
OK here goes..

I am 28yrs old and was married for about 5 years. My Ex Husband and I have a 3yr old son (We have been separated for about 2 years now)
Infidelity was one of the reasons we separated but also the stress and drama that surrounded my husband’s other kid that I didn’t know about. He had 2 (older) kids that I knew about prior to getting married. Although I felt like it was such a burden to carry, I figured that they were just kids AND they live out of State with their mom..
Anyway, little did I know, there was yet another child out there, about a year and a half older than mine (our son happens to be the youngest)

Anyway you can imagine the details that unfolded. Tension, Trust was broken etc… eventually- I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t trust him- made me wonder- what else don’t I know??

I moved out on Thanksgiving day two years ago (Yeap; Thanksgiving day!) and I have since been living a stress free life, taking care of my son etc.. at work, I confided in a friend of mine, who helped me through the stress and emotional turmoil this whole situation caused me.
She and I met at work, after work and even spoke on the phone. We talked for about a year or so.. just sharing our experiences (She was married for 4 years, divorced- never had kids) She is quite a bit older than I am…
As the months flew by, we started getting closer and our relationship slowly took a turn for the unexpected- we developed this strong chemistry and deep feelings for each other (outside of a normal girl-girl relationship)
We found ourselves talking until the wee hours of the morning, when we were together; we just wanted to reach out and touch, rub hands… long story short- It escalated into a deep/intense/ passionate and YES sexual relationship.
I have to say that I have never been involved with a woman before, neither had she- but what we felt was so beautiful that it scared the crap out of me! I have NEVER EVER felt that way with my husband, let alone any man…

At first I thought it was some kind of emotional rebound for me, or that perhaps its some of sexual fantasy that we both had and didn’t know about….and that it would end in a few weeks. I kept telling myself that because I didn’t want to believe that I was in fact falling in love with a WOMAN! I kept telling myself, I am not a Lesbian…I don’t sleep with women… just some affirmations (I guess temporary consolation or perhaps justification) but much as I ‘brushed her out’ emotionally, it just got intense.
A little over a year now and we are still seeing eachother- YES we live together (I still have my own place, she has her own but we spend a lot of time together) I find that even when we argue or fight- I just love her more, we can never go to bed mad…we even make love during an arguement (Anyway, you get the picture, LOL)

Out of now where: My husband wants me back!! He said he wants us to work on our marriage, be a family again and stuff- and I am like..’What?!!’
I don’t even know what to say to him because there is so much drama I don’t want to go back to!
I realize I have typed a lot already so let me ask the question: Would you go back to your husband JUST because it is the ‘right’ thing for the child (to have mom and dad under the same roof as opposed to two female partners?)

If I go back, I know I would be miserable, don’t trust him and of course I can’t imagine myself making love with him again…I can’t bring myself to go that way again- BUT would I be denying my son the right to be with his Dad?
What is more important? Me staying where I am happy and raise my son in a warm loving environment, or go back to his Dad, amidst all tension and misery just so he can have a ‘normal’ family?

All opinions/suggestions/advice etc..are welcome!

Thank you for reading this LOOONG question!!

Haleigh

Natalia Asks asked:


Hi

I am by nature quite a negative person, and I often feel angry with the world. I tend to get frustrated with people, like if I watch TV I have these thought all the time: “Why are people so dumb, this program is so dumb, people just don´t give a shit about things that matter” etc, etc. Even walking down the street I see things and have the same thoughts, I really struggle to see the positive in people in general. I feel the anger building up in my chest, and i feel down and depressed. I have had a history of minor depressions, and I find it hard to stay friends with peple very long as I tend to see their faults much more than I see their good bits. I have been going out with a guy for 2 months now and he is a very positive person. He shrugs off trouble and counciosly decides to ignore the things in life that frustrate him. He says it´s not healthy tu mull over things that you can´t change because I am hurting my self by doing so, and not actually changing anything. I agree with him, and I really am trying so hard to change. But it´s nothing I have control over, or at least I feel like I don´t. Even with him, after only 2 months, I see all the time things about him that annoy me , Ie: He dones´t recycle because he´s lazy, his flat is always a mess, or I don´t agree with his values in life . It drives me crazy, because the funny thing is: I have a pretty low self steem, so it´s not like I think I am great and others are shit. It´s all very confusing. I don´t want to blame others and remove responsiblity from myself, but i was brought up in an extremelly negative atmosphere, my parents even now can only make negative comments about everything and everyone.
I just long to be at peace with the world, and at peace with myself. I try to do positive affirmations such as “I will learn to accept people and see the good in them” etc etc, but it doesn´t help. It´s like an automatic thing and I catch myself in this spiral of negative thoughts, and I am just getting so upset! I am 30, I have gone through so much shit in my life, but I want to let go and feel happy and calm and at peace, any tips please?
Nat (Spain)

Daijah

TheGirl asked:


Let’s see if I can explain this…I am dating a man who is about 7 years older than I am. This is also a VERY long distance relationship, he is in Ireland and I’m in the US. We are in love, truly as far as I know, but he has a bit of a problem with showing emotion. And like most women I need affirmations on the love…I’m trying not to be so needy about it though. I think he tries his best to show emotion, telling me he loves me and misses me on a daily basis but I just wonder if I care more about him then he cares about me because I am MUCH more vocal about how much I miss him and what not. I hope to have a future with this man, eventually to get married and move to Ireland, but I’m scared that I’m getting too emotionally involved. I mean he must care about me if he’s willing to do this long distance thing, right? And just because a man doesn’t show bounds of emotion doesn’t mean he doesn’t care…right?
I should have mentioned that yes we have met, in our 7 month relationship we’ve spent about 2 months with each other.
Oh and also, we met through a mutual friend. Our initial conversations took place via the computer but shortly after we started talking we met in person.

Caleb

GreenerGrad asked:


I have been best friends with my fiancee - who happens to be Somali - for eight years. It is not until we got engaged that I really took an interest in them as a distinct ethnic group, and wanted to learn more.
Lets keep in mind that my soon to be husband looks like NBA player Quentin Richardson, his father looks like Ike turner (Tina Turners ex) his brother looks like Snoop Dog and his best friend whom they refer to as Jerere (not the proper spelling However, it means “nappy hair”) looks like Idris Elba. I say this because it seems that there are an overwhelming number of Somali people asking questions and looking for affirmations of their “non blackness.” I for one could really give a damn if they were black or white or any color in between. I just want to know why is it that some - not all - Somali people prefer not to be called black, even the ones that so obviously are? It reminds me of the black people in America who marginilized other blacks for being to black/dark. WTF?

Edna

Missyy asked:


can someone pls explain what this means :

¶ A Proclamation for the Authorizing and Uniformity of the Book of Common Prayer so to be used throughout the Realm.

ALthough it cannot be unknown to our Subjects by the former Declarations We have published and proceedings have been in matters of Religion since our coming to this Crown: yet the same being now by Us reduced to a settled form, We have occasion to repeat some what of that which hath passed; And how at our very first entry into the Realm being entertained and importuned with Informations of sundry Ministers, complaining of the errors and imperfections of the Church here, aswell in matter of Doctrine as of Discipline, Although We had no reason to presume that things were too far amiss, as was pretended, because We had seen the Kingdom under that form of Religion which by Law was established in the days of the late Queen of famous memory, blessed with a peace and prosperity, both extraordinary and of many years continuance (a strong evidence that God was therewith well pleased,) yet because the importunity of the Complainers was great, their affirmations vehement, and the zeal wherewith the same did seem to be accompanied, very specious, We were moved thereby to make it our occasion to discharge that duty which is the chiefest of all Kingly duties, That is, to settle the affairs of Religion, and the Service of God before their own. Which while we were in hand to do, as the Contagion of the sickness reigning in our City of London and other place would permit an assembly of persons meet for that purpose; Some of those who misliked the state of Religion here established, presuming more of our intents then ever We gave them cause to do, and transported with humor, began such proceedings as did rather raise a scandal in the Church, then take offence away. For both they used Forms of public serving of God not here allowed, held assemblies without Authority, and did other things carrying a very apparent show of Sedition, more than of Zeal: whom We restrained by a former proclamation in the Month of October last, and gave intimation of the Conference We intended to be had

like whats the overall meaning of this?

Damian

Gone, Gone, Gone. asked:


im asking to see if anyone is thinking like i am though i doubt that very much anyway lol

IF YOU DONT HAVE THE PATIENCE TO READ ALL THIS, HERE IT IS IN A NUTSHELL:

i kind of think there has to be something psychologically wrong with someone if they cant see beauty in their own race. im just not satisfied with the claims that “we like what we like”. human beings are complex animals and think theres always a reason behind everything. not everyones reason will be the same of course but i most commonly find people that limit themselves to certain races (outside of marriage/reproduction) to be somewhat ignorant.

now my rant.

i know i used to be like that - i convinced myself that it was natural for me not to like black guys. of course i was young and stupid. well youngER. im still only 19 im just not as narrow minded and ignorant. ive never been completely satisfied with the “im just this way or another” responses outside this arena. i constantly examine myself to find out what is in my subconscious so make me feel this way because NO ONE simply believes something is beautiful or attractive on their lonesome. everything that you accept or reject as beauty or otherwise i based on society or culture and what you have been exposed to. the answers as to why you like something may not be so clear as you need them to be but if you explore your mind, past experiences, etc. eventually you will reach a state of understanding. so thats what i did. because although the “i just dont like black guys” answer sounded absolute and great on paper im just the type of person to be satisfied with that. i wanted to know WHY i felt that way.

its a long story but in the end i figured out that my mother had a huge impact on my views about black people and claiming my unattraction to black men subconsciously separated me further from the stereotype of what a black woman should be. i cant say that my experiences with my father had anything to do with it. my parents are married and im like he ultimate daddys girl. i love my father. i grew up in predominantly white schools as well and although i have always had a diverse group of friends most of the black people in my schools were girls. i also wont lie that when i form an opinion i am very strong willed and not at all lacking in conviction half the time. i kind of believe that when i was young and i bought into the stereotypes of black people i made up my mind that with all i had known i SHOULDNT like them. you know the saying “a lie told well becomes the truth.” its kind of like that or the opposite of the psychological benefits of affirmations. i could go on but this is getting longer than necessary. with all the knowledge ive gained about race and society im definitely trying to break out of that mind frame. its narrow and it also reflects a time in my life when my image of my own people was an ugly one. that me is long gone and so one day i just decided that i needed to open mind. im definitely attracted to black guys now id say 70% of the time. im getting better each day. lol sound like im in ******* rehab. of course idk about dating because ive been with my bf for almost 3 years so that presents a problem. and yes he is white. : ]

im also a non-religious, sometimes christianity bashing, liberal vegan who loves to debate about politics, rarely ever straightens her hair, and sometimes dresses like a “fancy hippy”. at least thats what the boyfriend says. lol i dont know too many black guys who would tolerate all that at once. a lot of the black guys i know want the stereotypical diva (long weave, relaxed, or otherwise straightened hair, idk dressing in gucci or baby phat or something ,wearing heels everyday all day, etc.) and i say go for it! its just not me.

magic tricks

Sweet Tooth asked:


I am trying to be confident so that I will seem more sexy and desirable to my hubby but every time I try to act confident he sees it like I am trying to be rebellious and it has the opposite affect! Maybe I am confusing confidence with assertiveness, but I don’t see why I should not be both. I practice daily affirmations and focus on how I feel physically when I do this, so I can always go back to my “place” when faced with something that worries me or starts to diminsh how I feel about myself.

I’m trying to build my self esteem so that I can be sexy to my husband and to myself- but nothing that I do works. Then I just end up feeling sad.

Who wants to take a stab at giving me any advice at all????????
People constantly tell me that without self confidence you can’t seem sexy to others. That’s the connection. And thanks for your answer but if I should be more than the sexiest woman in the room to my husband, I should be the sexiest woman on Earth. The room. I am usually the ONLY woman in the room. Unless you count the bimbos he chats with online.
Happy-2: I guess I mean rebellious as in rebelling against my usual ways- so much so that it seems bratty or cocky as one poster put it. Maybe you have something in that father-daughter thing though. He does treat me like a child sometimes but I don’t act like one. In fact I do everything in our house, I’m very responsible.
well the things he does undermines my attempts to be confident but I am very much hoping that by BEING more confident I will seem more appealing and sexier than anyone else and then he will stop talking to other women.
I don’t want anyone else, I want to want what I have and I want him to want me too. Only. Is that too much to ask of the person I married? Sometimes it seems like it is!!!

Gayle

Desti S asked:


I have nothing wrong with homosexuals considering that I have gone to affirmations with friends and because I believe it is there own personal choice that really has nothing to do with anyone else, but I can’t help but notice that being gay has become a fad rather than a lifestyle. In school and even afterward people portray the message that being gay “is cool”, and are obnoxious with letting everyone else know that they are gay. I haven’t ever seen straight people decorate their cars with “proud to be straight” stickers or parade around town for “straight pride”. Also there are all the stereotypes with dance, appearance, and even the way a person talks that is associated with being gay. In ways I can relate this to the movie SLC Punk in the fact that Stevo thought he was being an individual by acting, and dressing like a punk, but in reality he was just following a fad of the time. So my question is being gay just another one those fads (like being a punk) and will it ever go back to just being a relationship or is it going to continue to be a “fashion” that people are advertising? I would love input from someone of the “gay community” on how they feel about being gay being a fad.

I’m not being mean and don’t intend to insult anyone, I ‘m honestly curious about this question, so please answer honestly.
Please do not write rude harmful things about the gay community, those answers are not what I’m looking for considering I support a person’s right to be with whom they love
I’m sorry if I have offended those by stating being gay is a persons choice. It’s just that three of my closest friends have told me that they decided they were going to be gay, that is the only reason I used the word “choice”, I should have used the phrase “sexual preference”

Fallon